1.  Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  2.  There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
  3.  I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  4.  I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
  5.  When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  6. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  7. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  8. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  9. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  10. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  11. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
  12. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  13. Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
  14. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.