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- The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye- doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whiskey- maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber- band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- A hole has been found in the nudist- camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the grass’
- The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.